As A Child

 As a child, I grew up smashed between two brothers. Well, not literally...unless you count the times growing up they literally sat on my head with a pillow and let farts fly. Yeah...that was fun! My older brother had a hard time keeping up with chores - like he HATED them - and I was always the kid who understood that if I just got my chore done, I could go play outside! So, after school, I'd come home - do my chore - then go play. Jack had different ideas in mind. Instead, he would stand for HOURS in front of the dishes, like he was waiting for them to do themselves. 

I just didn't get it! So...in stepped "mommy" sister. I would usually do either one of two things - stand there and nag him to just do them, over and over (bossy much?), or I'd just do them myself so he could come play. I always got in trouble for that - doing his chores for him - and now that I'm a parent, I understand why. But back then, I was a "get it done" type of girl who really somehow understood the bigger picture. 

My younger brother is three years younger than me, and as kids we were besties. I would read books to him laying in corners with blankets and loved every minute of it. I still remember those snuggles and loving taking care of him that way. Yes, once again, I was playing mom! I thoroughly and truly enjoyed helping everyone around me and taking care of people - making sure they were always happy and I very much enjoyed it. The day he didn't want me to read to him anymore really broke my heart. 

I'm not much different now. With the stresses of three children and a husband, I'm not as energetic and peppy as I used to be. I don't throw parties for people like I used to and I'm definitely not the center of attention at get-togethers like I feel like I used to be. Ha! But, I enjoy helping everyone in my family feel taken care of - getting the kids dressed, making meals, doing laundry - it's all part of my job and all what I'm "supposed" to do - it's innate and ingrained. Don't get me wrong, I hate having to do ALL the things sometimes...lol!...but it is a natural tendency to "mother". 

Because of these natural tendencies, it has led to having a natural positive outlook on life. I have the dreamer's mind - anything can happen! You can do anything! You can accomplish anything! Listen to me and I'll tell you how! Not that I know how to do EVERYTHING (who does?)...and I'm not saying that I've always been unrealistic when it comes to accomplishing goals, but I lean more toward the side of optimism in most ways. I feel like when I want to do something, I often accomplish that goal (most of the time!), or at least have the know-how to figure out how to do the things I want. This has been a HUGE blessing to me in my life, including when I was single in the Latter-Day Saint Church. 

This viewpoint - and natural tendency toward optimism - helped prevent me from falling into a depression because of not being married, or have a constant "woe-is-me" feeling when I didn't have a boyfriend or even potential boyfriend on the horizon. Quick realism point - I have been depressed! I do get sad. That's for sure; but that's something I'll address at another time. But I've always loved spending time with friends, helping put activities together, and being a leader, when given the opportunity. 

It's this viewpoint that helped me stay happy when single in the LDS church. I wasn't married until I was 32 - a much older age in the church for marriage - yet I was generally happy and fulfilled. I felt I had a place in the church - I often had opportunities to work with children in Primary and Sunday School classes. I always felt needed and welcome. I believe a big reason for the feelings I had is my natural disposition to optimism and happiness - and I hope to be able to delve more into some of those ideas in my future posts.

Happiness is literally a mindset - finding your place in the gospel as a single person can sometimes be a chore - but if you can practice bending your mind toward looking at the positive things in life, you can overcome the pitfalls of only seeing the negative of your position in the church - single or not. 

Camping in 2013

 In the Summer of 2013, my mom and I decided to go camping. We hadn't been in YEARS and we had never been camping just the two of us! We were both pretty excited. As we were driving the couple of hours to our destination, as usual, we got into some fun conversation. 

I brought up to my mother the frustrations I was feeling with a lot of the single LDS girl friends I had. I told her that so many of them were very sad with their place in life, and in the church. I was so tired of hearing all of them complain about being single in the church still...not so much complain about it, but be distraught and depressed about being older and single in the church. I just didn't understand!! I was also still single and 31 - older than pretty much all of my LDS single girlfriends. 

I have always naturally been independent and quite optimistic, so I think that's why it didn't settle with me very well. I truly enjoyed dating, and being able to do whatever I wanted with my money...go on weekend trips/etc. I also had a knack for figuring out how to be happy given pretty much any circumstance I was dealt - a lot of that I owe to my mother - and the rest to just a natural optimistic and happy disposition I think I was just blessed with. Now, we know no one's perfect, so please don't think I NEVER complained! Ha! 

So flash to the camping trip again...as we were talking about the current trends and depression I was seeing among my single LDS girl friends, I thought...I want to write a book! Not because I'm an expert in every area, but because I think something needs to be addressed. Back then, when we were originally speaking, I wanted to write about finding happiness as an older LDS single female in the church. 

Now, I feel as though yes...that's still important and needs to be included, but what if there could be more? What if there could be spiritual insight and direction from others facing your same dilemmas in the gospel, or those who have been through the same issues - being older and single in the church - and how they've come through it just fine, and found their happiness and place in the gospel.

As I've been on this journey of writing a book...honestly...I have been super torn. I took a free book writing conference online by Jess Ekstrom - super positive woman who wrote Chasing the Brightside - all about optimism/etc. As I was taking this course, I was thinking - I need to write a book about emotional release and emotional expression! (...a passion of mine...)  and I was starting down the road to that book. Honestly...I wanted to write that one FIRST because it would give me a larger audience...BUT...

Last Sunday, I turned on my fav church tunes (don't make fun of me) - EFY (Especially for Youth) music. Something about those songs just speaks to my soul. I have sung my whole life, and I just relate better to the emotionally raw stuff that I feel exists in EFY music  - even if it is super cheesy. As I listened to it this past Sunday, I just knew. I needed to write this book first. Even if it meant putting something with a larger audience aside, this book idea just keeps coming back to me. It needs to be written. Why, I'm not sure...maybe it's just for me! I always learn more when I write and research what I'm writing. Maybe it's for another reason, but no matter why, I'm excited to start on this journey!

I'll be writing more about some of the upcoming content here, and my thoughts and approaches regarding the project, if you'd like to follow along! I'm really excited to start this book process, and can't wait for you to follow along as I learn and grow through the process! I hope that if you feel you have a story to tell...this might ignite that in YOU! I'd love to hear yours :) 

Culture and Tradition are NOT the Gospel

I am sitting here eating Cup O' Noodles...because it's that kind of night. I just put my 9 month old to bed...and I have some things to say.

Now, before I write anything, I must point out that I am not an expert. On ANYTHING. Except my life, that is. I am an expert on my life and my perspective....that's it! Nothing fancy. On that note...I must tell a story.

So, my husband decided that he wanted to sign us up for a ward service activity at the church orchard, planting trees. He is the most service-oriented out of the two of us...he makes me look bad...but I like it :) He has taught me that doing what's right and stepping up when needed is what is best. So, I agree...and I always go along with it. Anyway, I enjoy service!

So, there we are at this service activity, and we have been there awhile, when I meet this SUPER cute and young sister missionary. Now...I have been trying, for the last couple of days, to figure out how to speak about her and tell the details of our conversation without people figuring out who she is. I wouldn't want to embarrass her, and I didn't ask if I could share her story.

Without giving too much detail...we got into a conversation about missionary work. I found out she has not been out long...only a couple months, and that she is having a hard time adjusting. The state she is from is southern. I mentioned how I bet the people are different and she agreed and told me the differences. I looked at this girl while we were speaking and listened to some of the things we were saying and realized how far removed I am from that person I used to be as a missionary. But another thing that stood out, is just how things have changed with the lowering of the missionary age.

In one of my prior posts, I spoke about this age change and how I was worried about the focus young girls leaving for their missions have on fashion and clothes and not spiritual preparedness.

While speaking to this sister I mentioned this worry. I told her that I think too many sisters now worry about what clothes they are going to bring out and forget about the spiritual side. She was surprised when I sad that and admitted to doing that exact thing!

I told her that it is definitely NOT her fault...it is cultural! It has become popular for sister missionaries to talk to other departing sister missionaries about what clothes they are bringing...show them websites of where they can go...etc. It has become...a THING that's done. It's become part of the missionary culture.

And that's all it is...a culture thing...a tradition that's beginning. It's not the church telling these girls to get caught up in it. If anything, their leaders would encourage them to focus more becoming spiritually prepared. But...this is how fast a new tradition can begin.

From there in the conversation, everything was familiar to me. Her trainer...how she felt she was hard on her...etc. Then I realized...it isn't really all that different. I'm not that far removed from the missionary me...(except my testimony could use some work to get back to how strong it used to be! ;) )....the WORK is still the work...and the work will go on. Heavenly Father will ALWAYS make sure that his gospel is taught and that those who need to hear it are prepared and ready.

Culture...tradition...a religious institution...church leaders...etc...NONE of these are the gospel.  We must never point fingers at these things/people and say they ARE the gospel or the church. They are not. The true gospel lies within the scriptures and in prayer. And even the scriptures remind us that "if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ." - Book of Mormon Introduction.

I know that no matter the changes that occur in the church, traditions and cultures that occur...the actual Gospel itself is steady and unchanging. No matter what...The Work will get done. I pray that I will put in the effort that I need to be a part of this work always. The Gospel is true. The Savior lives. And my Heavenly Father loves me, and he definitely loves you.

I Am Full of Random Ideas

The title of this blog is not a lie...I am definitely full of ideas! I am always dreaming and wishing and coming up with new ideas. My most recent idea is to follow through with my dream of public (motivational) speaking and writing a book. I have always wanted to do both of these things but never found the drive or know-how to do so. Recently, I have come across the drive and I am slowly learning the know-how of it all.

My recent splurge of excitedness about fulfilling my dreams has come from a wonderful woman named Marie Forleo. I stumbled across her website for something that she calls b-school. You can find info on it here - www.marieforleo.com. This woman is full of wisdom! Not only is she smart, she is cute, sexy, fun and spunky...not to mention, young! Right now she has a three part free video series about how to start your own business using your own compassion for others and big heart to fuel you. I am SO excited for these free videos! They have already taught me SO much and if you have a crazy amount of energy and compassion for others and the things you hold true as well...you should check out her videos ;)

So...I am going to start a book, for REAL this time! I know I know...time is always a factor. But time is only something we allow to get in the way of things we truly want! Why do we do that?!?! It is SO frustrating to me!! I have a lot of things coming up...like...having a baby in June...yay for babies!! That, in itself, will make me completely insane and tired and excited, but it will give me time to write...because I am sure my sleep schedule will be so crazy that I will sleep poorly...as I have for years...meh...way of life :)

I am going to start a new blog to foster this new business idea...and I am super excited about it!

My biggest focus will be happiness!

How often do we find ourselves wishing we had that dream job, or that dream spouse/kids/car/etc...and allow it to over run us to the point of constant complaining and sadness?? I feel as though it is too constant these days.

Heavenly Father has never told us that we are not enough. He never said that you are "ok for now, unles you get married and have kids" or "until you become better than you are"...he loves us in spite of our weaknesses! We are not here to go through the motions of life until we die and have the opportunity to live with our Heavenly Father again...we are here to LIVE...we are here to be HAPPY...TODAY....NOT TOMORROW. If you aren't happy now....feel like you're in a rut...or just wish you were more like the people your age around you...know that you are exactly who you are...and you are exactly where you are meant to be, right now.

THEN....start working toward your goals! Start new hobbies...make new friends! Drop your bad friends/acquaintances who drag you down. No one/nothing is in charge of your happiness except YOU. It is up to no one else to make sure you are happy...not your mom/husband/wife/friend/whoever! Take responsibility...choose to be happy. And if you are having a hard time with that....your first task is to make a list! And this is only a one-sided list :)

---->>>> This list is all of the blessings in your life. ONLY the blessings! There should be no negative words listed either. So, after making your list, if you see any words with a negative meaning, cross them off and re-word it! Negative words can be ones such as - IF...BUT...WHEN. All of your blessings must be in the now...right now...the present...and not things you wish you had or hope that you could have. Start now! Start being happy today.

Feel your Savior's love.

Jamee

And Then I Served A Mission

I have been struggling with what exactly to write about and focus on in this blog post for some days now, and am still not sure where I will go, but I have a few things I wanted to write about.

When I was a child, I always had a desire to serve a mission. Once in Primary - Sunday School for children - I even remember raising my hand when a Primary leader asked us who wanted to serve a mission. Even at the very young age I was, I was one of maybe two or three girls who raised my hand - the rest were boys. I remember looking at the girl sitting next to me and saying "raise your hand!" and her reply was - "I want to be a mom and have babies." I was dumb-founded. Well duh, I wanted that someday, too, but I knew there would be time for it and I had always desired to serve a mission. I didn't get her answer at all - she just didn't make sense to me! Why not have both?!

Well, in the church growing up it was boys who were always encouraged to serve missions. Men could leave at 19 and women at 21. The choice of serving one for a girl was completely up to her without any outside influences requesting or pressuring her to do so. Boys were highly encouraged to serve - often being the only gender spoken of during any talks on serving a mission. That was ok, but I always wanted to hear speakers, prophets and general authorities say "girls, serving a mission would be a choice opportunity for you as well." Not once did I hear that until two years ago while listening to our General Conference in October of 2012 - Church Lowers Missionary Age. Boys could now serve at 18 and girls at 19 - 19!! That was a TWO YEAR lowering in age for girls. I couldn't believe it.

I sat and cried. We were ready,and the church was now saying - "women, go and serve." I knew, without a doubt, that the Lord was saying he needs stronger people and stronger youth to lead the church and this is how He was going to start preparing them.

I had just had the opportunity the previous Summer of 2012 to be a counselor in a youth program held in Boise by the church called BYS - Boise Youth Spectacular. We would invite High School aged youth out for three day sessions to partake in speakers, scripture study and activities where they could feel of the spirit and grow in strength. The youth I had were 16-17 year old seniors and would be graduating soon. I thought of them first when hearing this announcement. My heart leap for joy for all of them.

The church was correct in their prediction that there would be a large increase of missionaries going out to serve. There have been numerous missions re-opened that were previously closed and missions created to accommodate the large influx of missionaries - and still the numbers continue to grow. I am amazed at the desire this brought to so many young men and women to dedicate all of their time for 2 years or 18 months to only sharing the gospel - wherever they are sent. I have seen more girl friends leave for missions in a small amount of time than I have ever thought possible. I have seen two male cousins leave the same day, only months after graduating high school, without having to face another year of waiting and facing temptations. This is an amazing time, and we are facing such growth in the gospel. I am happy that is is now time to hear women be encouraged to go on missions.

But, with good things, come some bad as well. And I wanted to make sure that you all know I understand the blessings of this change before going into the worry that I have seen come from it. So, here goes...

YAY, A MISSION IS POPULAR!!

Wait......what? That is weird.  

Missions have now become "popular" among young women in the church. There is a group I belong to on Facebook consisting of women who have served or are preparing to serve full-time missions. I was excited to see this group and joined in a long while ago. Now, it is overrun with young girls who are preparing and asking questions with excitement and enthusiasm...but there is a problem. Too often I find posts asking questions such as, "is this dress ok to wear?" and "I don't want to wear ugly clothes or dress boring, is there a way to make my wardrobe cute and fun?" Although these questions seem fine, they are helping me to see how far we are still from being who Heavenly Father wants us to be. No longer are females going on missions because of their own desires, as no one else really encouraged us in the church, but now, everyone's friends are going so they want to go too! Yay!

Um, wait!! Stop. Think. A LOT more. The choice to serve a mission is never a bad one as it is an amazing thing to do, but is it right for you? Will you get all of the blessings that come from serving one? If you want the blessings...you must prepare for them.

To prepare I suggest a few things -
1) Read the Book of Mormon every day.
2) Study from the Missionary Handbook.
3) Start reading the books in the Missionary Library.
4) Start getting up earlier and going to bed earlier! (This was the HARDEST transition for me in the mission, so I wish I would have done this)
5) Go to the temple as often as possible, especially to do endowments after you receive them. 6) Pray pray pray pray.
7) Trust, and be at peace.

Remember that serving a mission is HARD. You talk to your family only twice a year. It is discouraging, disappointing, lonely at times and...did I mention, hard?? If you are wanting to go on a mission because you believe it will be a big party where you get to dress cute, hang out with a fun girl friend all of the time, meet new people and sometimes talk about church stuff, then a reality check is soon to come. I have been so worried recently. We need to remember the reason we serve missions - to share the gospel. We must prepare in a way that makes our spiritual foundation strong.

I thought for a long time that every person in the church should serve a full-time mission. Goodness, was I wrong. Even for months after I returned home from a mission I thought every sister should serve, but then, after the spirit of missionary service dissipated a bit and real life became more, well, real, I remembered some things. I remembered meeting Elders in my mission who truly didn't want to be there. They would never tell me this - I just knew. The attitude of a missionary who doesn't want to be serving is complacent, distracted and hollow. They can't follow the spirit, because they don't want to be there anyway and they would rather cause trouble and be a nuisance than be helpful and encouraging. Also, the work is even more hard for them. They struggle to do things every day and to do the regular, daily tasks of a missionary. I felt sad for them. I wondered who had made them feel so guilty or who had talked them into this so they felt they had to serve? They sometimes became very depressed and some were sent home because of it.

Yes, I am being harsh. I believe in honesty and telling every side of the story, and because of that, I MUST tell you the blessings :)

Anything that is very difficult in life, is equally as joyful. A mission is AMAZING.  It is full of such overwhelming spiritual moments and experiences that you sometimes can't contain your joy. Watch the movie "The Other Side of Heaven" and you will see what I mean. This movie is based on the true experiences of Elder Groberg who served an island mission where he faced extreme hardships and equally unbelievable miracles. Most of us don't have such extremes, but this movie shows what I mean. There were times when I served that I worked SO hard and saw no results and other days where we were blessed with spiritual experiences that we hadn't asked for. The good always outweighed the bad for me, and that is how it should be.

My point is - don't go on a mission because it is popular. Search yourself and your testimony of the gospel. The only thing you need before serving a mission is a true desire to share your love of the gospel.

I served in the Australia, Adelaide Mission from Jan. of 2003 to July of 2004. I would never take that time back for anything. Go serve because you love your Savior. Read your scriptures, love others, read the missionary library, go to mission prep. classes and pray. You will be ok. Heavenly Father loves you. Heavenly Father even loves me. It's weird to think about sometimes - that He knows me personally. But He does.

He knows you. Have faith. Be strong. Do what you feel is right, and all things will work out for your good.

I Am Tired of Being Silent

Let me give you a little intro about me. I will try to make it short...haha! Anyone who knows me knows that I am never lacking of words or things to say, yes, I am a bit chatty, to say the least! I grew up an only daughter, sandwiched inbetween two obnoxious brothers who teased and loved me to death. I was raised by a single mother who worked hard to provide for us, and was raised in the LDS/Mormon religion. Even with my upbringing I was a normal rebellious teenager/young adult, partying and being too comfortable with boys. When it came time for me to make a choice, I chose peace, faith and comfort and changed my ways. I served a full-time 18 month mission in Adelaide, Australia for the church from 21-22 years of age. When I returned I went to school for a few years at BYU-Idaho in Rexburg and then finished college at Boise State University. Throughout this time I dated a lot, having numerous boyfriends, sometimes making mistakes and learning from my life choices along the way. I finally had the opportunity to be sealed in the Boise, LDS Temple for time and all eternity to my sweetheart two months ago at the age of 32. I am not typical by any LDS standard, if there are any that exist anymore. Getting married at an older age is not generally normal among members of the church, but it never made me feel as though I didn't belong, and neither does being a woman. I have found wonderful service opportunities in the church, such as being a trainer 4 times in a row as a missionary, a Relief Society president (woman's organization in the church), Sunday School and Primary teacher, Primary music leader and giving many talks to the congregation in church. As a person and as a woman, I feel the church loves, cares for and protects all women in the church. I wish to speak about this, and I wish to continue to address it in this blog. Women are NOT outed or made to feel less-than men in the gospel or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know this, and I want you to know the same.

Last night my husband and I came across an article that had been published in Cosmopolitan magazine. Neither of us read this magazine, but were looking at my husband's Facebook news feed and saw the article had been posted there by a friend of his. Let's just say that I will not post the link to the article here as I do not want to give it any more traffic than it has possibly already been given.

There is so much controversy out in the world right now. There is so much confusion that exists inside the LDS church and with its members. It saddens me to see some of Heavenly Father's children become so lost in this life that they think speaking badly about the church and its leaders will somehow make them feel better. I am not an advocate of suppression or abuse. I believe in equality and freedom. But there are things in this life that are absolutely true and one is this: In any circumstance in life, if you want to find something to be true badly enough, you will, because you will make it happen. 

I had a friend make a comment in response to mine on Facebook regarding a status posting of hers. She was speaking of inequality in the church between men and women and I made a comment about what I just mentioned - that if someone wants to find something, they always will - meaning that if I want to find inequality in our religion, then I will find it, because there will always be someone who says something a little wrong or treats someone poorly/etc. People are NOT perfect. If they were, then why are we here? Aren't we here to learn to become perfect or at least do our best? But back to what I was saying before. This friend commented in response to mine and said - "just because you have never been belittled or abused by men in the church doesn't mean others haven't". Now, I am trying to remember exactly what was said and I am just giving the gist of it, but I believe I have the main ideas of both of our comments close enough. Now, what she said is the exact dilemma we are facing - jumping to conclusions. She does not know whether or not I have been treated poorly by men or male leadership in the church or made to feel less because I am a woman, yet she expected by my viewpoint that I must not know what she is talking about or I would agree with her. 

I have been belittled - by people very close to me - throughout my life at times. As well as some elders from my mission, and direct church leaders.

I don't agree with her. 

The gospel is about love and acceptance and equality. Heavenly Father has stated that we are to "love one another as [He] has loved [us]." Is this lost doctrine, merely because some people were not raised the same as us or make mistakes as to what to say or how to live the gospel? 

WE CANNOT BLAME THE CHURCH FOR THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY. 

Yes - it is shocking when a Bishop, Branch President or Stake President (high leaders in the church) do or say something completely incorrect. How can this happen? How can our Father in Heaven allow our leaders to lead incorrectly or make poor decisions? It is a very difficult realization when this happens. When it does, we have the opportunity to make one of two choices - allow it to be 1) a stepping stone or 2) a stumbling block. We need to allow others to fall so that they may learn from their choices. Can we not allow imperfections in others when it exists in ourselves? 

If we take a moment, pray, read our scriptures, and feel of the spirit, asking in sincere faith to our Heavenly Father to know what to do and how to overcome the hurt and frustration that exist, we will be given what we need. But where is our faith? Where are our testimonies? If our faith has already been lacking, as well as our testimonies, I promise you that we will fall and it will be because of small things like what others do or say to us. These are such small things...and they should never affect our testimonies if they are already strong in the gospel.

As a missionary I saw families who had been broken. It was so sad to see. In one area I served in, there was a family that always sat on the back row and seemed sad, lonely and lacking. I worried about them and asked my companion where the father was, as he never came to church with the mother and her children. She wasn't sure so we asked a member of the congregation and they said it was a very sad story. One Sunday he got into a fight with another member of the congregation in the chapel - an actual physical altercation - and has never returned. We never found out what this fight was about, but did it even matter? Because of his choice to never return to church, he allowed the blessings of the Priesthood to be taken from his family. The Priesthood is not for the man, but for those he blesses with it, and because he had made the choice of leaving church over his relationship with this other person, his family had suffered. Why do we do this? We cannot allow others the power that we give them - to keep us from our blessings and the blessings that await our current or future families. Should we allow others that much power that we give up everything special and holy because of them?

The blessings of the gospel are mine, and I will hold them sacred. My Heavenly Father has promised me innumerable blessings if I but follow his plan with steadfastness, patience and endurance. In Doctrine and Covenants 63:47, which are scripture written by revelations received by one of our prophets, Joseph Smith - we are told - "He that is faithful and endureth shall overcome the world" and the Bible tells us "And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved" (KJV Matt 10:22). Yes, to hold the unpopular view is to be hated of the world, but we are told if we hold strong that we will be saved and overcome this world.

I will give no one power to take away my opportunities for blessings in this life by leaving the church or blaming others for my choices. I will win this race, I will be the victor, with Heavenly Father by my side, and no one can take that away from me.