I Am Tired of Being Silent

Let me give you a little intro about me. I will try to make it short...haha! Anyone who knows me knows that I am never lacking of words or things to say, yes, I am a bit chatty, to say the least! I grew up an only daughter, sandwiched inbetween two obnoxious brothers who teased and loved me to death. I was raised by a single mother who worked hard to provide for us, and was raised in the LDS/Mormon religion. Even with my upbringing I was a normal rebellious teenager/young adult, partying and being too comfortable with boys. When it came time for me to make a choice, I chose peace, faith and comfort and changed my ways. I served a full-time 18 month mission in Adelaide, Australia for the church from 21-22 years of age. When I returned I went to school for a few years at BYU-Idaho in Rexburg and then finished college at Boise State University. Throughout this time I dated a lot, having numerous boyfriends, sometimes making mistakes and learning from my life choices along the way. I finally had the opportunity to be sealed in the Boise, LDS Temple for time and all eternity to my sweetheart two months ago at the age of 32. I am not typical by any LDS standard, if there are any that exist anymore. Getting married at an older age is not generally normal among members of the church, but it never made me feel as though I didn't belong, and neither does being a woman. I have found wonderful service opportunities in the church, such as being a trainer 4 times in a row as a missionary, a Relief Society president (woman's organization in the church), Sunday School and Primary teacher, Primary music leader and giving many talks to the congregation in church. As a person and as a woman, I feel the church loves, cares for and protects all women in the church. I wish to speak about this, and I wish to continue to address it in this blog. Women are NOT outed or made to feel less-than men in the gospel or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know this, and I want you to know the same.

Last night my husband and I came across an article that had been published in Cosmopolitan magazine. Neither of us read this magazine, but were looking at my husband's Facebook news feed and saw the article had been posted there by a friend of his. Let's just say that I will not post the link to the article here as I do not want to give it any more traffic than it has possibly already been given.

There is so much controversy out in the world right now. There is so much confusion that exists inside the LDS church and with its members. It saddens me to see some of Heavenly Father's children become so lost in this life that they think speaking badly about the church and its leaders will somehow make them feel better. I am not an advocate of suppression or abuse. I believe in equality and freedom. But there are things in this life that are absolutely true and one is this: In any circumstance in life, if you want to find something to be true badly enough, you will, because you will make it happen. 

I had a friend make a comment in response to mine on Facebook regarding a status posting of hers. She was speaking of inequality in the church between men and women and I made a comment about what I just mentioned - that if someone wants to find something, they always will - meaning that if I want to find inequality in our religion, then I will find it, because there will always be someone who says something a little wrong or treats someone poorly/etc. People are NOT perfect. If they were, then why are we here? Aren't we here to learn to become perfect or at least do our best? But back to what I was saying before. This friend commented in response to mine and said - "just because you have never been belittled or abused by men in the church doesn't mean others haven't". Now, I am trying to remember exactly what was said and I am just giving the gist of it, but I believe I have the main ideas of both of our comments close enough. Now, what she said is the exact dilemma we are facing - jumping to conclusions. She does not know whether or not I have been treated poorly by men or male leadership in the church or made to feel less because I am a woman, yet she expected by my viewpoint that I must not know what she is talking about or I would agree with her. 

I have been belittled - by people very close to me - throughout my life at times. As well as some elders from my mission, and direct church leaders.

I don't agree with her. 

The gospel is about love and acceptance and equality. Heavenly Father has stated that we are to "love one another as [He] has loved [us]." Is this lost doctrine, merely because some people were not raised the same as us or make mistakes as to what to say or how to live the gospel? 

WE CANNOT BLAME THE CHURCH FOR THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY. 

Yes - it is shocking when a Bishop, Branch President or Stake President (high leaders in the church) do or say something completely incorrect. How can this happen? How can our Father in Heaven allow our leaders to lead incorrectly or make poor decisions? It is a very difficult realization when this happens. When it does, we have the opportunity to make one of two choices - allow it to be 1) a stepping stone or 2) a stumbling block. We need to allow others to fall so that they may learn from their choices. Can we not allow imperfections in others when it exists in ourselves? 

If we take a moment, pray, read our scriptures, and feel of the spirit, asking in sincere faith to our Heavenly Father to know what to do and how to overcome the hurt and frustration that exist, we will be given what we need. But where is our faith? Where are our testimonies? If our faith has already been lacking, as well as our testimonies, I promise you that we will fall and it will be because of small things like what others do or say to us. These are such small things...and they should never affect our testimonies if they are already strong in the gospel.

As a missionary I saw families who had been broken. It was so sad to see. In one area I served in, there was a family that always sat on the back row and seemed sad, lonely and lacking. I worried about them and asked my companion where the father was, as he never came to church with the mother and her children. She wasn't sure so we asked a member of the congregation and they said it was a very sad story. One Sunday he got into a fight with another member of the congregation in the chapel - an actual physical altercation - and has never returned. We never found out what this fight was about, but did it even matter? Because of his choice to never return to church, he allowed the blessings of the Priesthood to be taken from his family. The Priesthood is not for the man, but for those he blesses with it, and because he had made the choice of leaving church over his relationship with this other person, his family had suffered. Why do we do this? We cannot allow others the power that we give them - to keep us from our blessings and the blessings that await our current or future families. Should we allow others that much power that we give up everything special and holy because of them?

The blessings of the gospel are mine, and I will hold them sacred. My Heavenly Father has promised me innumerable blessings if I but follow his plan with steadfastness, patience and endurance. In Doctrine and Covenants 63:47, which are scripture written by revelations received by one of our prophets, Joseph Smith - we are told - "He that is faithful and endureth shall overcome the world" and the Bible tells us "And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved" (KJV Matt 10:22). Yes, to hold the unpopular view is to be hated of the world, but we are told if we hold strong that we will be saved and overcome this world.

I will give no one power to take away my opportunities for blessings in this life by leaving the church or blaming others for my choices. I will win this race, I will be the victor, with Heavenly Father by my side, and no one can take that away from me.