As A Child

 As a child, I grew up smashed between two brothers. Well, not literally...unless you count the times growing up they literally sat on my head with a pillow and let farts fly. Yeah...that was fun! My older brother had a hard time keeping up with chores - like he HATED them - and I was always the kid who understood that if I just got my chore done, I could go play outside! So, after school, I'd come home - do my chore - then go play. Jack had different ideas in mind. Instead, he would stand for HOURS in front of the dishes, like he was waiting for them to do themselves. 

I just didn't get it! So...in stepped "mommy" sister. I would usually do either one of two things - stand there and nag him to just do them, over and over (bossy much?), or I'd just do them myself so he could come play. I always got in trouble for that - doing his chores for him - and now that I'm a parent, I understand why. But back then, I was a "get it done" type of girl who really somehow understood the bigger picture. 

My younger brother is three years younger than me, and as kids we were besties. I would read books to him laying in corners with blankets and loved every minute of it. I still remember those snuggles and loving taking care of him that way. Yes, once again, I was playing mom! I thoroughly and truly enjoyed helping everyone around me and taking care of people - making sure they were always happy and I very much enjoyed it. The day he didn't want me to read to him anymore really broke my heart. 

I'm not much different now. With the stresses of three children and a husband, I'm not as energetic and peppy as I used to be. I don't throw parties for people like I used to and I'm definitely not the center of attention at get-togethers like I feel like I used to be. Ha! But, I enjoy helping everyone in my family feel taken care of - getting the kids dressed, making meals, doing laundry - it's all part of my job and all what I'm "supposed" to do - it's innate and ingrained. Don't get me wrong, I hate having to do ALL the things sometimes...lol!...but it is a natural tendency to "mother". 

Because of these natural tendencies, it has led to having a natural positive outlook on life. I have the dreamer's mind - anything can happen! You can do anything! You can accomplish anything! Listen to me and I'll tell you how! Not that I know how to do EVERYTHING (who does?)...and I'm not saying that I've always been unrealistic when it comes to accomplishing goals, but I lean more toward the side of optimism in most ways. I feel like when I want to do something, I often accomplish that goal (most of the time!), or at least have the know-how to figure out how to do the things I want. This has been a HUGE blessing to me in my life, including when I was single in the Latter-Day Saint Church. 

This viewpoint - and natural tendency toward optimism - helped prevent me from falling into a depression because of not being married, or have a constant "woe-is-me" feeling when I didn't have a boyfriend or even potential boyfriend on the horizon. Quick realism point - I have been depressed! I do get sad. That's for sure; but that's something I'll address at another time. But I've always loved spending time with friends, helping put activities together, and being a leader, when given the opportunity. 

It's this viewpoint that helped me stay happy when single in the LDS church. I wasn't married until I was 32 - a much older age in the church for marriage - yet I was generally happy and fulfilled. I felt I had a place in the church - I often had opportunities to work with children in Primary and Sunday School classes. I always felt needed and welcome. I believe a big reason for the feelings I had is my natural disposition to optimism and happiness - and I hope to be able to delve more into some of those ideas in my future posts.

Happiness is literally a mindset - finding your place in the gospel as a single person can sometimes be a chore - but if you can practice bending your mind toward looking at the positive things in life, you can overcome the pitfalls of only seeing the negative of your position in the church - single or not. 

Camping in 2013

 In the Summer of 2013, my mom and I decided to go camping. We hadn't been in YEARS and we had never been camping just the two of us! We were both pretty excited. As we were driving the couple of hours to our destination, as usual, we got into some fun conversation. 

I brought up to my mother the frustrations I was feeling with a lot of the single LDS girl friends I had. I told her that so many of them were very sad with their place in life, and in the church. I was so tired of hearing all of them complain about being single in the church still...not so much complain about it, but be distraught and depressed about being older and single in the church. I just didn't understand!! I was also still single and 31 - older than pretty much all of my LDS single girlfriends. 

I have always naturally been independent and quite optimistic, so I think that's why it didn't settle with me very well. I truly enjoyed dating, and being able to do whatever I wanted with my money...go on weekend trips/etc. I also had a knack for figuring out how to be happy given pretty much any circumstance I was dealt - a lot of that I owe to my mother - and the rest to just a natural optimistic and happy disposition I think I was just blessed with. Now, we know no one's perfect, so please don't think I NEVER complained! Ha! 

So flash to the camping trip again...as we were talking about the current trends and depression I was seeing among my single LDS girl friends, I thought...I want to write a book! Not because I'm an expert in every area, but because I think something needs to be addressed. Back then, when we were originally speaking, I wanted to write about finding happiness as an older LDS single female in the church. 

Now, I feel as though yes...that's still important and needs to be included, but what if there could be more? What if there could be spiritual insight and direction from others facing your same dilemmas in the gospel, or those who have been through the same issues - being older and single in the church - and how they've come through it just fine, and found their happiness and place in the gospel.

As I've been on this journey of writing a book...honestly...I have been super torn. I took a free book writing conference online by Jess Ekstrom - super positive woman who wrote Chasing the Brightside - all about optimism/etc. As I was taking this course, I was thinking - I need to write a book about emotional release and emotional expression! (...a passion of mine...)  and I was starting down the road to that book. Honestly...I wanted to write that one FIRST because it would give me a larger audience...BUT...

Last Sunday, I turned on my fav church tunes (don't make fun of me) - EFY (Especially for Youth) music. Something about those songs just speaks to my soul. I have sung my whole life, and I just relate better to the emotionally raw stuff that I feel exists in EFY music  - even if it is super cheesy. As I listened to it this past Sunday, I just knew. I needed to write this book first. Even if it meant putting something with a larger audience aside, this book idea just keeps coming back to me. It needs to be written. Why, I'm not sure...maybe it's just for me! I always learn more when I write and research what I'm writing. Maybe it's for another reason, but no matter why, I'm excited to start on this journey!

I'll be writing more about some of the upcoming content here, and my thoughts and approaches regarding the project, if you'd like to follow along! I'm really excited to start this book process, and can't wait for you to follow along as I learn and grow through the process! I hope that if you feel you have a story to tell...this might ignite that in YOU! I'd love to hear yours :)